Gwyneth Paltrow's lifestyle site Goop is always here to inform you that whatever it is you’re doing in life, you’re doing it wrong and they're judging you.
Their latest token of advice tackles one of life’s greatest concerns: is lube toxic?
In a Q&A with Maggie Ney, N.D., the site explored such questions as “would you suggest something simple like coconut oil?” and “What else (i.e. spermicide) can make a condom toxic?”
The article was brought to us all by Netflix because even Goop, the least trendy site in the world, understands what that means and wants to be down with the kids.
Isn't that just the most glamorous headline you've ever seen in your life? #GOALS.
The vibe of the whole piece is simple: lube contains a whole bunch of toxic junk you wouldn’t ordinarily put in your body, so just stop it. Or, as the good doctor says, "Using lubricants with toxic ingredients has an effect on our reproductive system... parabens are a very common preservative in most cosmetics... Exposure to parabens has been associated with cancer and reproductive health issues and hormone imbalances like fibroids, endometriosis, infertility, and PMS." Yikes.
To be fair, what they’re saying is totally valid. Peeps are all about their activated almonds and organic greens, should probably start caring about their downstairs health, too.
The vegan lube on offer is even affordable at just $15, because Gwynnie appears to have forgotten she is catering exclusively to rich ladies with tomato gardens and summer homes in the Hamptons.
“Hey,” we thought, “$15 ain’t bad. Way to go for keeping it real.” Then of course we saw her sex toy collection and that opinion was blown to shit.
Goop’s raunchy new selection includes a $69 Jimmyjane Seduce Me Feather Tickler, which is a bit pedestrian for Gwynnie TBH. Fortunately she’s also included a $395 Kiki de Montparnasse vibrating necklace for the middle class ladies among you, and a $15,000 24-karat gold vibrator because GOOP.
Oh, Gwyneth. Keep doing you, you magnificent unicorn of a human.